April was a lovely month that included a megacity, home, cottage country, snow, rain, lots of baths, tea and time with family. It was my first Easter home in I believe 4 years and it was oh so refreshing to have a break from the constant humidity in Bali.
Being home in April got be thinking a lot. I dived into a new headspace, felt like I was given room to grow, developed some new habits, started rebranding Taylor’s Tracks and overall just feel like I’m moving in a really good direction which I hope you guys will be able to benefit from too.
Where I went in April
For the first few days I was in Hong Kong, but I shared my thoughts on the megacity in my last monthly update. For all of April I was home, in Ottawa, Canada between the house and the cottage. It was so nice to have cool weather, a room to myself that had my decorations where I could feel cosy and truly home.
Having a homey space is something I miss very much when I’m travelling and just being able to buy things that I can surround myself with (like my salt lamp) makes so much of a difference. Being home was very welcomed but then the last week I got antsy, unlike the day before I left on my next 2 month trip, when I was no longer antsy and dreading going.
I was daunted by 2 months of travel and even more daunted by the fact that I was going to Morocco, a country where almost every article I read included scammers, harassment and general “what out for yourself at all times.”
I’m not going to lie, it made me nervous.
I’ve been in Morocco a week now and have been to three destinations, Casablanca, Fez and Chefchaoeun. I don’t want to judge the county too quick, but I can already say that I don’t plan on returning. While my friend is really enjoying Morocco, I’m done with feeling like I have to be on high alert all the time. It’s fucking exhausting. I already miss being able to walk down a street without men staring or cat calling and feeling nervous to trust anyone. When even the locals are telling you to watch out for the locals I listen.
I don’t feel scared, just on edge all the time and it makes me tense and 100% not enjoy the country as much. I’m not done travelling Morocco yet though, I still have about a week left but I am very much looking forward to landing in Madrid.
Why I’m over travelling long term
For the first time ever, before leaving for this two month trip that includes stops in Morocco, Spain, Italy and London I didn’t feel excited about the trip. It was a Wednesday morning and I had my bag packed but as I was driving to the airport my dad asked me, “Are you excited?”. “No,” I replied, feeling more dread for the time and energy I was about to spend for two months abroad and for starting in a country that I was nervous about visiting.
I’ve never been nervous to visit a country before, but Morocco left me feeling tense before I even got here.
Within a day of landing in Casablanca and roaming to see just one tourist attraction, I had a sinking feeling like I didn’t really want to be doing this. By this, I mean this whole travel thing.
I sorta brushed the feeling aside thinking that it would go away, but each day I woke up to the same feeling that I didn’t really want to explore, use the shared bathroom or see people as soon as I woke up. I wanted space, comfort, alone time and to feel rested enough that my mind didn’t feel like it was in a constant fog.
I tried telling myself to be grateful that I’m a travel blogger and that exploring new destinations is my way of life. But forcing yourself to be grateful for something kinda takes away from being grateful. Yes, I was still grateful but I felt like I would rather be somewhere other than here.
I felt like this on my last trip in Europe too. I felt like this when I was travelling through Thailand earlier this year before settling in Bali for 2 months. This was not a new feeling but for some reason it was much stronger this time yet I was still having a hard time getting the message.
That is until my friend who I was chatting with asked me if I even liked travel anymore. And I could say with confidence, that no, I didn’t. Whether it’s a phase or something long-term, I have no idea, only time can tell me the answer to that.
What I realized was that I was holding onto travel as my identity, like I’m not able to do anything else, like no one would like me if I wasn’t travelling. But as I’ve been learning with my coach, being true to myself is the most important thing. And forcing myself to continue travelling is not being true to myself.
The truth is that my heart isn’t in it anymore. While I love visiting new places, I want to live in new places, set up a routine, feel like a normal human being who gets enough sleep and meet friends, builds a community.
I’m done with jumping from hostel to hostel, I’m done with meeting people for a day only to say goodbye a few hours later, I’m done with living out of a bag, I’m done with trying to push myself to do as much as possible in each and every destination that I go to.
I’m done with long-term travel because I’m exhausted and my soul is calling me to do things for me. Travel will always be a part of this blog and who knows, I may pick up travelling long term again, but for now I can say with confidence that after this two-month trip I will be slowing down a lot.
So if travel is no longer my identity then what is? That’s the lesson I’m super excited to learn. But for you, my dear readers, I will be focusing a lot more on self-love. I want to inspire women to accept themselves as they are, to be awakened, to learn to listen to their intuition, to feel in love with themselves.
I want to help women feel empowered, confident and special.
I want this blog to be a place where women can get inspired, learn and spread this self-love movement.
I’m really craving learning myself so I would love to hit up some seminars, conferences or take some courses.
What’s new on the blog
This month I focused on one of my favourite places that I travelled to in 2018, Slovenia. I think it’s totally underrated so if you need a European holiday then I highly suggest adding it to your list of places to visit.
I also dived into a lot more personal posts and started sharing some posts from my self-love series! I’m doing videos on IGTV if you prefer to learn some self-love tips in a video format.
- Who Says That Coming Home After Travel Has to Be Bad?
- Confessions from a Recovering Perfectionist
- How to Love Yourself More & Be Happier (The Answer is Simple): Practice Gratitude
What I’ve read this month
I’ve fallen behind on my reading goal of 52 books this year, a book a week, but I have full confidence that I will catch up!
Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert: I know you guys all know this one. I read it years ago but decided to reread it since I’m in such a different place now. I identified with and understand what Liz was going through so much more than when I read it when I was in high school. I’d say it’s well worth a read if you haven’t yet and worth a second read if you’ve become more spiritual since you first read it.
Losing My Virginity: How I Survived, Had Fun, and Made a Fortune Doing Business My Way by Richard Branson: I’ll be honest, I didn’t know much about Richard Branson but I was curious how one man was able to make so many successful companies that are each completely different from the last. I dived into his autobiography and was totally inspired by how he let nothing hold him back. He really did do things his way which was reassuring to hear that not everyone has to follow the rules.
Dotcom Secrets: The Underground Playbook for Growing Your Company Online by Russell Brunson: I watched a talk by fellow travel blogger Tom Rogers of Adventure in You and was inspired by what he had done for him and his partners Anna’s blog. He recommended this book and since I’ve been meaning to get into funnels for forever I picked up a copy of Dotcom Secrets and was happily blown away by how seemingly simple it all is. While I haven’t applied any of these techniques yet, I can say that I finished this book with a bundle of ideas that I am so, so excited to try. I highly recommend this book if you have a blog and are looking to grow your income.
That’s it for April’s round-up, talk to you in May!
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