Oktoberfest, the largest beer festival is the world, held in Munich, Germany at the end of every September for two weeks into October. It’s obviously world famous, and for a reason, as it’s great fun, and great beer. So, what not to do at Oktoberfest? Yes, there are things you shouldn’t do.
Though I attended Oktoberfest in 2014, I still look back at my pictures occasionally and can’t help but laugh at my memories, or just the drunken look (this is me with two messy braids, a red face, and a smile so big it looks like I’ve just won a large sum of money) on my face and everyones around me.
As much fun as it was there were definitely some things I learned that I’ll now share with you. This is a what not to do at Oktoberfest guide. Follow these easy guidelines and no one will hate you (actually no one will hate you because they’re all happy drunk). I’ll admit that I was guilty of one of these, but I won’t point it out, you’ll have to figure that out for yourself. So please don’t be that person….
THE OVERLY DRUNK PERSON
How do you not be overly drunk at Oktoberfest? You don’t. And if you’re not overly drunk then you’re doing it wrong (expect for the parents who are with their children and just there for the rides). The overly drunk person at Oktoberfest is the one who’s so drunk they don’t know which set of feet is their own, they don’t know where the walls are, and they start telling people they’re from a country they’re not actually from. No one likes a hot mess, and as much as Oktoberfest can be an excuse to be a hot mess, it’s not an excuse to be that hot of a mess…because it can actually be quite disgusting.
THE TRYING TO PROVE I CAN CHUG PERSON
At Oktoberfest you get your beer in a litre. Always. And I don’t know about you, but I am fully aware that I can not chug a litre of beer. So I didn’t try. If you try and can do it then awesome for you. We all got up and cheered and clapped and watched you drink a litre of beer in four seconds. You then hold up glass proudly as thousands of people cheer for you. I’m sure it’s an amazing feeling, especially if you are then deemed as “Beer Jesus”. This actually happened when I was there. This guy chugged four litres in total in the span of about three hours. But if you are not “Beer Jesus,” then don’t try to be. I really don’t appreciate you trying your best and then watching you puke your beer straight back up into your glass. I’ll give the person credit for at least getting it all in the glass and not the table, floor, himself, or other people.
THE LOST COORDINATION PERSON
This one is simple. If you are so drunk that you can’t stand on a table then you probably shouldn’t be dancing on a table. Falling off backwards and flashing all the tables around you is not a very classy thing to do. Kudos to this person for not caring and continuing to dance and drinks anyways.
THE PERSON WHO MAKES OUT WITH EVERYONE
This is not the high school slut who someone manages to make out with everyone in the 10th grade over the period of a year. This is the person who’s I guess so horny or maybe they suddenly feel a deep affection for everyone that they will grab your face and begin making out with you. You do not have a choice in the matter. One second you’re discussing with a friend which tent to go to next, and the next you’re making out with some German who can’t speak English.
THE PERSON WHO HOGS THE TABLE
Let me create a visualization for you. Picture thousands of people standing outside in late September waiting to get into the biggest beer festival in the world at 7AM. Now picture even more people at 9:30AM being let into a single tent. I’m sure you can picture absolute chaos. I swear my arm was almost broken in the process as my friend held onto it to avoid being separated. These thousands of people are now looking for tables for them and their friends. Don’t even try to hold one. Just don’t. You will be risking your life. Someone will get mad at you and will probably just take your table anyways. Do scissor kick your way over a fence and onto a table to get to a table with only five spots left (enough for you and your friends). I’ve seen this happen, my friend did it, and it made our day.
THE PERSON WHO CAN’T KEEP UP
This is nothing against you, and I know that not everyone can drink at the same speed or as much, but you gotta give it your best effort to keep up. Beer comes to the table in rounds, that means 10 beers (each table sits 10) come every time someone wants a new beer. And they ain’t cheap. Or just somehow convince your table to slow down. Good luck with that.
THE PERSON WHO ISN’T IN FESTIVAL DRESS
It doesn’t say that you have to wear a lederhosen (for men) or dirndl (for ladies), but pretty much everyone wears one. I get that they’re not cheap, but you definitely stand out if you’re not wearing one. Get into the tradition and put one on. Ladies, they make your boobs look amazing, and for guys I heard the pants can be pretty uncomfortable (sorry). That was very Canadian of me to apologize for that.
This post is pretty simple, just don’t be one of these people, but I won’t hold it against you if you are, as I am guilty of one…May I remind you this blog is a no judgement zone.